How

Every time he looks
at me, his pupils
dilate. Almost hiding
his sky blue eyes.

His teeth, so
white and straight,
show every time
I say a lame joke.

He left his jacket
at my house, and
I couldn't help but
smell it as I folded it up.

The visions of
that day flashed
before my eyes
and it hurt my soul.

He tells me
"I love you,"
and I dodge
saying it back.

At one time,
I did.
But I can't
anymore.

I know that
it's considered
"leading him on"
but I can't stop.

I can not tell him
how I feel
because he says
that he's a nice guy.

And if I tell him
how I feel,
what if he stops
being a nice guy?

What if he tells
his best friend?
Spreads rumors?
Takes what he wants?

What if he gets
depression?
Never talks
to me again?

How does one simply
live with themself
knowing that they
are the reason they
lost a friend?

Knowing that they
caused their friend
to hurt? Caused
their depression?